web page for my new short film

[Scotness]

Hi all I've started a web page for my new short Rebecca's Riot - which we're shooting later in the year with my R16 - we're in pre-production now if you're interested - I'll keep updating the diary entries as it goes along

http://www.mango-a-gogo.com/riot/preprod.htm

Scot

[BigBeaner]

Cool man, I'm going to be shooting my own big short film in October so I know how much this means. Really good luck with the whole production!

[Scotness]

You too Big beaner - have you got a site or blog about yours - it's fun watching them develop over the net

Here's one I came across recently about a film in production in Canberra
http://www.caliburnproductions.com/DSDayOnePics.html

diary entries here:
http://www.caliburnproductions.com/Diary.html


Scot

[Plastik]

I wasn’t aware of your new project Scott. I was looking into it on your site – I think Rebecca’s Riot is an interesting idea. I downloaded the script (3rd draft I believe), I’m looking forward to reading it.

[Scotness]

Thanks - let us know what you think - I'm still open to feedback - there'll be another draft before filming

Scot

[BigBeaner]

I don't officially have one real website, I have some random recce photos and some paintings here and there, but I'm really thinking I'll start one now though. I'm definitely going to have someone documenting our work, taking stills the minium. Cool stuff.

[Plastik]

I finally got to read your script Scott. I think that the riot that started at the concert is an interesting idea. After reading your script I couldn’t help but think that this idea could have been explored differently. I don’t understand the purpose of the film. You have a central character, she gets away with doing something that she wasn’t allowed to do, and… and…

I hope I’m not coming across as harsh, I’m only interested in giving constructive criticism.

The structure:
When reading your script, it feels like the beginning of a feature length film. It takes too long to establish characters. Whilst reading I forgot that it’s a short script. Then you suddenly have the events at the stadium, and then the film finishes.

The story, purpose, goal of film:
I don’t really understand what it is you want to ‘explore’ in the film. At the moment it is just (to me anyhow) a sequence of events. To me, the film is not resolved. Again, I think a clear sense of purpose needs to be established.

I believe that there is something deeper that you want to say, however, it doesn’t come through. (having watched ‘in my image’ – which was well resolved as a film. I know you are more than capable of ‘delving’ into a topic.

There is no point of me saying do this, or tackle it this way or approach it like this, or chop this out and do this – till I know what ‘it’ is that you would like to explore, say / come through to the viewer.

Please realise that my intention is not in any way to ‘dis’ your script. On the contrary, I would like you to respond to this post so that I can make the few suggestions that I have in my head.

I hope I’ve been useful.

[Scotness]

Hi Ertugrul thanks for taking the time to read the script and giving us some feedback. I don't feel you're "dissing" it!

With this one I'm not actually trying to say much - or explore anything really deep! It's just meant to be an amusing story about a certain place and time. I think the only real substance/character development in it is the mother-daughter relationship - at the end through all the tumult of the riot and seeing the boy she likes with someone else, Rebecca finds a new and deeper relationship with her mother. That's all I'm trying to do really.

Does that help or make anymore sense - do you think it will or won't achieve those things?

Thanks again for your time - say whatever you like

Scot

[Plastik]

If you want it to be about the mother and daughter – then I think that you need to do just that. At the moment the film is not really about a mother and daughters relationship. I’m not saying make it obvious, hell no!  But you do need to have something more in there that shows that. I guess you do at the end. Perhaps you need to cut back to a scene of the mum and dad from the scenes of the riots. Maybe dialogue at the start. I don’t know.

I think you need to get into the story a lot quicker. The story doesn’t need the whole ‘my dad will never let me’ ‘please dad, please dad’ – audiences are used to these kind of scenes, they have become kind of ‘text book’ stuff. I think it drags out too much in the beginning – remember it is a short film.

Instead you should explore possibilities in the riot scenes. I think it just kind of happens and finishes.

Hope I’ve been constructive. This is actually good for me too – kind of dissecting your script and trying to form constructive criticisms.
If you want it to be about the mother and daughter – then I think that you need to do just that. At the moment the film is not really about a mother and daughters relationship. I’m not saying make it obvious, hell no!  But you do need to have something more in there that shows that. I guess you do at the end. Perhaps you need to cut back to a scene of the mum and dad from the scenes of the riots. Maybe dialogue at the start. I don’t know.

I think you need to get into the story a lot quicker. The story doesn’t need the whole ‘my dad will never let me’ ‘please dad, please dad’ – audiences are used to these kind of scenes, they have become kind of ‘text book’ stuff. I think it drags out too much in the beginning – remember it is a short film.

Instead you should explore possibilities in the riot scenes. I think it just kind of happens and finishes.

This is actually good for me too – kind of dissecting your script and trying to give you constructive feed back.

[Plastik]

Sorry about that post. I was copying and pasting - but still don't know how it turned out to be the way it is.

[Scotness]

I agree the film isn't really about that mother/daughter relationship primarily - that's just something that comes out at the end - and I don't know if that's a good or a bad thing- maybe a bad thing as you say ~ but it is meant to be a revelation - hence why it's revealed at the end.

The film is mainly meant to be a light hearted comedy. The "dad won't let me go" bit is manly meant to be a comical device -adding tension to enable humour as Rebecca tries somewhat clumsily to decieve him.

Anyway thanks for the feedback - we'll see how it all goes once it's made!

Scot

[Plastik]

Good luck with it all. I’m sure it will turn out fine.
The thing with scripts is that they don’t always represent the vision the director has for the film.
It’s nice that you will be putting a bit of Australian history into a short film.

All the best.

[steve hyde]

....I read the script a while ago Scot. I can't imagine shooting a script like this for a short. It is built like the first few pages of a feature length script.
To me this makes it read like a recipe for disaster (to be blunt)

I say this because I am under the impression that you should seriously consider a different approach. Maybe you should let go of time period stories and try something else? You seem to be stuck on time period stuff.

You say that you are not working to "explore anything too deep" or "say much"..... WHAT! That is another way of saying I'm making a boring film.

Dude, it sounds like you need a serious reality check!

I hope this doesn't sound to harsh.

all the best, I hope you work it out.

Steve

[Scotness]

You say that you are not working to "explore anything too deep" or "say much"..... WHAT! That is another way of saying I'm making a boring film.

Dude, it sounds like you need a serious reality check!

What about light entertainment? Films don't always have to be about something. It's just meant to be an amusing exploration of a certain time and place and values, with some substance in the family relationships.

I really don't see how the lead in is like a feature film either. The lead in has all the humour and also sets up the motivation for the mother to knowingly let her daughter out (because she doesn't fully believe in or follow her husband's line) - and then at the end when Rebecca thinks she has lost everything she actually finds her mother was on her side. I don't see how it doesn't work.

But anyway maybe you're right and when we're editing we will need to cut it down a bit - we'll see.

I do like period things that's true - something about the arc of humanity and the changes in cultures -- which is one thing about this film actually because Australia is a remarkably different place now - in fact it has been from the late 80's onwards.

But anyway you'll be pleased to know the next film I'm planning after this (a feature) is set in contemporary times! But then hopefully more period ones after that :lol:

Scot

[Scotness]

....I read the script a while ago Scot. I can't imagine shooting a script like this for a short.

By the way Steve I think you read the first or second draft - there's been a third draft out for a while now - which is the one Ertugrul is talking about. It was expanded and smoothed out a bit, but I'm not sure if they are the kind of changes you're thinking it needs - but in my opinion it definitely works better in the latest draft.

Scot